|Its all about Baby....|
There were signs, I thought it was menopause.
To give full explanation lets back up, as a five year old I witnessed a situation that sent a conviction to my core to adopt foster kids, another encounter crossed my path years later with my husband and eventually we began taking kids without homes who have the option to call us family. Hesitantly I came forward with a message I heard cleary from God before we added our first new already in the world addition, telling my husband if we take in children we will be blessed with a biological. The biological child seemed not in the cards as 10 plus years into our relationship not much had developed in the procreation department.
We were told nothing was wrong with us but to date and as of 2 months ago and after 20 years together no bio kids had found there way into our life, until now. Its a dangerous, courageous and careful statement to say "I know to be true....this will happen.... God told me...." but I knew for God to get the glory it had to be said once.
Why is it important? For me, I have learned to listen to that voice and since the voice has delivered on every promise made its a good guide for life and for how I make decisions. Some decisions are not what I want yet I have peace, that peace is only from outside myself because I am very selfish by nature. Leave me to my own devices....
The assumption that if we do this then we get that was not an expectation, not a vision, it didnt come down with a booming voice, it was still and calm and clear and it was designed to provide a path. There is no manipulation from me as the messenger as I waited for my husband to agree to foster care before giving the feedback.
After several years went by and no baby or even a blib of baby we really didnt talk about that insight I had much or feel angry or cheated and that is why the "news" is so guilt free and joyful. At first I didnt think much about my age either always forgeting how old I am anyway because it means so little to me. But after several interactions with professionals who take my blood and give me shots and discuss my options it became a thought, for a minute, that I am 46 years old. I told one of them, "I didnt feel old until I met you people".
Believe me, I am not dismissing the risks or real situations friends and relatives of mine have walked through that were not perfect and were also unexpected and sometimes difficult. There is a real testimony to the voice I heard and how that connects to being pregnant because none of it is about me, its about obedience. However the end result turns out the sum of all these things will equal a gift that we will never be able to repay but will spend out lives being grateful for and an experience I get to share with the love of my life. Not age or anything else will alter, hurt or change what is not aready planned in our future because its meant to be.
I am still in shock, my husband is overwhelmed with emotion, which kind of describes us. Me, the realist, Hubby, the beating heart. Together we make an unbreakable force and I cannot imagine doing this journey of life with anyone else.